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2018 Predictions: A (Satirical) View Of The Coming Year In Energy

Michael Lynch, Forbes

Oil price will rise, numerous pundits will boast of their successful predictions, say OPEC is back in charge, heap scorn on oil price bears.

Financial analysts declare that 90% of U.S. shale production is uneconomic.

Greenpeace announces that wheat and corn were genetically modified by ancient farmers, should be banned.

Rebels attack Nigerian oil pipelines with weapons labelled “Thesearen’tRussian,” shut in production.

Renewable advocates hail cheap solar power, declare it commercially competitive, ask for more subsidies.

President Trump visits coal country, points to man newly rehired, declares victory in the war against the war against coal.

Venezuelans waiting in line for food collapse from hunger, Maduro blames international conspiracy.

Sierra Club sends large convoy of SUVs and RVs around the U.S. to denounce the oil industry for causing global warming.

Greenpeace reports that soy beans have been genetically modified by ancient Chinese farmers, all products should be banned as unsafe.   Even pink tofu.

Scott Pruitt announces that oil companies will no longer be penalized for bird deaths at their facilities.

Weight Watchers names Maduro its new Latin American spokesman.

Train derailment and oil spill draws denunciation from Dakota pipeline protesters.

Tesla announces plans to build electric helicopter.

New York Attorney General Schneiderman sues Italy for inventing pasta and pizza, creating obesity crisis.

Oil prices will fall, numerous pundits will boast of their successful predictions, declare OPEC is dead, heap scorn on price bulls.

Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke declares wind power companies will be fined $1000 for every bird killed.

American LNG tanker bound for Europe will be hacked by mysterious group WeAreNotRussians, diverted to Cuba.

Lawyer suing oil industry for causing global warming is sued by oil industry for damaging the economy, reducing employment, and thereby harming the health of workers.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Agriculture announces plans to fight farming, saying “Plants are people, too!”

Tesla announces plan to build psychic autonomous driving software that predicts where you’ll want to go before you’ve made a decision.

Anti-fracking protesters asked if they receive Russian funding, reply, “Nyet.”


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