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Geologists: ‘We May Be Slowly Running Out Of Rocks’

RALEIGH, NC—A coalition of geologists are challenging the way we look at global stone reserves, claiming that, unless smarter methods of preservation are developed, mankind will eventually run out of rocks.

“If we do not stop using them up at our current rate, rocks as we know them will be a thing of the past,” renowned geologist Henry Kaiser said at a press conference Tuesday. “Igneous, metamorphic, even sedimentary: all of them could be gone in as little as 500,000 years.”

“Think about it,” Kaiser added. “When was the last time you even saw a boulder?”

The scientists warned that, although people have long considered the world’s rock supply to be inexhaustible, it has not created a significant number of new rocks since the planet cooled some 3.5 billion years ago. Moreover, the earth’s rocks have been very slowly depleting in the last century due to growing demand for fireplace mantels, rock gardens, gravel, and paperweights.

Kaiser claims that humanity has “wreaked havoc” on the earth’s stones by picking them up, carrying them around, and displacing them from their natural habitat.

“A rock can take millions of years to form, but it only takes a second for someone to skip a smooth pebble into a lake, and then it is gone.” Dr. Kaiser said. “Perhaps these thoughtless rock-skippers don’t care if they leave our planet completely devoid of rocks, but what about our children? Don’t they deserve the chance to hold a rock and toss it up and down a few times?”

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